The meaning of still

My words for this year are "Be still and know that I am God."
I've been thinking about those recently.  (Good thing since they are supposed to be my theme for the year.)  I've been thinking about what it means to be still.  To help me, I went looking for a definition of still.  Here's what I found.  And I found it here.

still 1  (stl) adj. still·er, still·est 1. Free of sound. 2. Low in sound; hushed or subdued. 3. Not moving or in motion. 4. Free from disturbance, agitation, or commotion. 5. Free from a noticeable current: a still pond; still waters. 6. Not carbonated; lacking effervescence: a still wine. 7. Of or relating to a single or static photograph as opposed to a movie. n. 1. Silence; quiet: the still of the night. 2. A still photograph, especially one taken from a scene of a movie and used for promotional purposes. 3. A still-life picture. adv. 1. Without movement; motionlessly: stand still. 2. a. At the present time; for the present: We are still waiting. b. Up to or at a specified time; yet: still had not made up her mind. c. At a future time; eventually: may still see the error of his ways. 3. In increasing amount or degree; even: and still further complaints. 4. In addition; besides: had still another helping. 5. All the same; nevertheless. v. stilled, still·ing, stills v.tr. 1. To make still or tranquil. 2. To make quiet; silence. 3. To make motionless. 4. To allay; calm: The parents stilled their child's fears of the dark. There's a whole lot in here.  I think I'll just focus on still as an adjective since I think that's really how it is used in the verse.   Still - free of sound.  I'm not so good at that.  I usually have the radio on (with CBC most of the time) or I have some music on.  I'm not sure whether that's good or bad.  Maybe a bit of both, depending on what's going on in my life.  I know that music can totally fill my soul and heal my heart.  But maybe it also distracts my mind from important things I should be thinking about (whatever those may be). Still - low in sound, hushed or subdued.  That's generally how I am in the world, but I'm not sure that's what's important in the verse. Still - not moving or not in motion.  Hmmm.  That can be a good thing, and it can be a bad thing.  I think it is good for me to know when to stop and when to say no, to make a decision that I can't do everything.  BUT, there is the danger, then, of not saying yes when saying yes would be a good thing.  I think the intent of the verse is not so much about being physically still and not moving, but more of an emotional or spiritual stillness and resting in God.  And that can be more challenging. Still - free from disturbance, agitation, or commotion.  This is important.  But it's difficult.  There will be disturbances, agitations, and commotions in this life on earth.  Of that there is no question.  I suppose the goal is to remain still in God while I traverse through these times.  To know that God is there.  To know that God will always be there.  To trust God.  To feel hope. Still - free from a noticeable current.  The examples are a still pond or still waters.  At first I didn't know how to apply this one.  But after I thought about it a little while, I came to this.     One way I could be free from a noticeable current is to make a conscious effort to disconnect from the computer periodically.  Not that I'm always connected, but more that I'm connected more than I think is good for me.  Sometimes. As I glance over the other usages of still, I see other applications.  But I'll save those for another day.

How many eggs can you hold?

I've been reading more in a life of being, having, and doing enough (by Wayne Muller).  One of the chapters had the title of this post.  How many eggs can you hold?  What a great image to help me think about trying to maintain balance in my life.  I need to think about how I'm handling the eggs I'm currently holding and then decide if I can add another egg.  If I believe I need to add an egg, but I can't keep all my eggs in my hands without dropping one, then I need to think about what egg I can carefully lay down.  While I like scrambled eggs, I don't think having scrambled raw eggs in my hands and on the floor around me is a great idea.  

Enough

I've had a book sitting on my coffee table for about two months now.  I got it from the library and I've already renewed it twice.  Its title called to me.  It speaks to who I want to be.  And, yet, I couldn't find it in myself to stop and be still enough to let my mind be filled with what it has to say.  This week I finally started to work my way through it.  It's by Wayne Muller and it's called a life of being, having, and doing enough.  Tonight when I took the time to focus my mind on it, I found a passage that resonated with me.  


If we indeed choose a life awake, we will embark on a journey not of our own making.  It is a journey that may lead us deep into the country of kindness, loss, beauty, heartbreak, love, honest, and friendship.  In this landscape of the joys and sorrows of a human life, the touch of a tiny hand, the impossible blue of a crisp winter sky, the fragrance of jasmine, can take our breath away.  And every one of these tiny surprises, these unexpected miracles, become, in each moment, without a doubt, enough.   (pages 98 and 99)


I love the idea of really feeling full, feeling enough, when I truly stop and appreciate the tiny miracles. I know that I do feel the love of God more when I actually do that.  While I have reached 1000 on my list of gifts, I know that I need to continue to strive to stop and see the gifts as I live each day.  So I renew my commitment to try to be sure to stop and be still - in order to remember that God is God and that God is good!


967) the "misteriousness" of driving to church through a dreamy, foggy land
968) celebrating communion
969) grilled cheese sandwiches with a steaming bowl of soup
970) the Internet - did you know that you can soften stale marshmallows?
971) peanut butter rice krispie squares - made with those stale marshmallows that were softened
972) sunshine breaking through tray skies
973) listening to children sing at their grandmother's funeral
974) physio and tea with a friend (yes, we did both together)
975) being trusted with information
976) Spring Break!
977) quiet days with a peaceful feeling
978) slower pace which allows me to walk to a nearby appointment
979) finishing 4 sewing projects (bags) that had been in process for a long time
980) a mistake that made one of the bags better - I love it!
981) inviting myself out for dinner, offering to bring dinner, and being offered dinner instead
982) a dear 4 year old telling me she loves me as I walk by her
983) a friend who really understands my frustration with a project - helping me persevere and work through the challenge
984) tea with that same friend
985) the delight on my friend's face when she shows me the gifts she is collection for Korean orphans - she has galvanized an army of knitters!
986) noticing a flock of birds overhead because I heard the flapping of their wings
987) the beauty of fresh snow and blue skies
988) talking about a movie with my 14 year old nephew
989) visiting with my grandma
990) dinner with my brother and his family
991) the joy my youngest niece exudes
992) Saturday morning with one of my sisters and her husband
993) an afternoon walk with two sisters and a brother-in-law
994) Good Friday
995) Easter Sunday
996) family dinner
997) being able to connect with two cousins you are going through tough times
998) safe travels on a busy highway
999) golden landscape with blue sky, sunshine, and a backdrop silhouette of the Rocky Mountains
1000) one year since my surgery - on Easter Sunday.  This was quite meaningful for me - new life for me through surgery and through Jesus' death and resurrection!
1001) a day that opens up - more breathing space on the last day of Spring Break
1002) a friend who is spontaneous and time to go out for tea

Wow....

That's really all there is to say.  Wow.  Where did this month go?  Oh, wait.  I know.  Report cards.  Conferences.  I know, I know, there should be life outside of school.  And I try.  I know I need time to be still.  I did take time to be still.  But that was out of fatigue rather than taking time to reflect on things.  And now I'm on a break.  I will take time to regroup, to restore, to be still and know that God is God.  Aaaah.  It will be good.

During this past month I did find a quote that I rather like.  It's from an author who I rather like.  Maybe I should pull out one of his books that sit on my shelves.  Yes, there are books on my shelves that I haven't read.  More than I would like to admit.  When I buy them, I have great intentions of reading them.  And then I go to the library and find others that are an easier read - and I choose those ones instead.  Enough said.

Here's the quote - from Max Lucado.  And I have no idea anymore where I found it.

Use the uniquenesss of you to make a big deal of God every day of your life.

That's it.  But that's a tall order.  I'm working on it.  I think it's a lifelong process, I'm afraid.  On second thought, maybe that's a good thing.  I don't ever want to feel like I have arrived.

And the list of 1000 gifts continues.  Getting closer to that 1000!  But that won't be the end.

924) coming into a warm home after shovelling snow

925) a crescent moon and 2 bright planets shining in the night sky

926) a quiet city - where sound is muffled by the fresh snowfall

927) Rye Triscuits and cheese

928) driving into the sun on my way to work - because it means the sun is rising earlier!

929) the first bit of a freshly cooked homemade felafel - and the sigh of delight that oozed out of me

930) parents who give of their time and energy to encourage and support the teachers at school

931) using a strategy learned at convention - and seeing evidence of student learning and knowledge

932) hope

933) hearing the hope in my brother's voice as he talks about a new medical procedure which may help him see

934) a walk in the sunshine - one that refreshes my mind and spirit

935) scrambled eggs on a croissant

936) catching snowflakes on my tongue  (Yes, I still try that!  I never want to totally grow up if it means I can't do things like this.)

937) coming home to sidewalks that have been shovelled by a neighbour

938) zoute drops, actually dubbelzout

939) a full moon in the early night sky, glimpsed through the trees as I sat and worked on report cards

940) the delight I felt when I stepped out my back door, looked to the heavens, and saw 2 bright planets

941) watching a bird hop along the sidewalk - do they forget they have wings?

942) sitting in the sun, waiting for a friend - sitting (feeling peace and quiet) in the sun (a gift of a warm day)

943) safe return of my parents from time in California

944) finishing report cards and feeling good about them  (hmmm, maybe that should be two different entries)

945) positive feedback on the report cards from administration

946) dinner with a friend at the end of a busy week

947) full moon shimmering through the clouds

948) breakfast with friends - celebrating a birthday

949) a day exploring and just being with friends

950) stepping out my front door and experiencing a moment of confusion as to what time of year it is - that's how nice it was to feel warmth and hear birds singing

951) hugs at church

952) a day with friends

953) coming home to a clean house

954) an afternoon with one of my sisters

955) talking about God with children

956) finishing a computer bag - and liking it

957) purple pens

958) time off

959) watching children and parents celebrate learning

960) wash and wear hair

961) watching grandparents interact with their grandchildren at school

962) a foggy morning that paints the trees white with frost

963) good conversation with a friend

964) expressions of love and praise from colleagues - on my behalf - for how different this time of year is from last year - Thank you, God, for the new life you gave me

965) lunch with friends

966) praying together for a mutual friend

Pointing

This weekend I unearthed a piece of paper from one of our staff devotions earlier this year.  A colleague had put up all kinds of pictures and asked us to go around the room, finding one that spoke to us.  There was so much variety in the pictures that it was difficult to choose.  But I did find one.  It was a photograph of a woman pointing.  It struck me that I wanted to be that woman.  I want to be a woman who points to God.  I want to show where I see God in my life.  I want to be a woman who points out the gifts God has given to others and one who points out the goodness in situations.  Sometimes I also need to have others pointing for me.  I need to have my eyes opened to see and to look for God.


The woman in the photograph had a calm, and yet excited, look on her face.  I want/need that.  I am continuing to strive to BE STILL, so that I can become more like that woman.  The challenge continues to be balancing the BEING and the DOING.


My list of gifts continues......


887) popcorn
888) long weekends
889) observing a wise colleague dealing with student issues
890) encouragement from colleagues
891) technicians who can set up wireless internet
892) wireless and secure internet
893) word games
894) being able to bless someone else the way I have been blessed by others
895) the generosity of others in giving time
896) the generosity of others in thinking of my needs (Thanks, B.K.)
897) being inspired at convention
898) the pleasant surprise of creating a pleasing piece of art
899) learning a simply art technique to use with students
900) the huge heartfelt hug meeting up with a friend I hadn't seen since summer time (Thanks, J.R.)
901) experiencing complete confusion during an activity during a workshop - which will help me understand anew when children feel lost
902) lunch with colleagues
903) rides with colleagues
904) successfully taking public transit home (something I do extremely rarely)
905) the passion of others - coming through in their presentations
906) walking through the exhibits and realizing how muchI already have and that I don't need anything more
907) Skyping with two of my sisters
908) figuring out how to download an e-book from the library (although I'm not so sure I like reading that way, to be honest)
909) a colleague/friend gently reminding me of the gift of my life (Thanks, G.E.)
910) Saturday morning - still in pyjamas, chai tea in hand, listening to Stuart McLean and the Vinyl Cafe
911) the prospect of a day with no demands or "to do" lists (or at least the prospect of ignoring these)
912) the excitement of students for things they're working one - so much so that several took the work home to work on
913) the gift of rest
914) walking down the hall, or across the field and having a small hand slip into my hand
915) hugs in the hall from former students
916) growing relationships with students, the relationships becoming stronger as we spend more time together
917) great news a colleague received about her dad's health
918) roaming the crowds of teachers at convention and periodically seeing familiar face and exchanging smiles and greetings as we passed each other
919) finishing a bag for my computer
920) the sound of silence
921) peanut butter on toast
922) the satisfaction of having fresh homemade lunches (pizza rolls) in the freezer, ready to get me through report card season

The Big Picture

I saw an amazing play this afternoon.  It was called "The Big Picture."  This play tells the gospel story - from creation to Revelations.  It was done beautifully - truly showing God's amazing love, faithfulness, and forgiveness.  If there was a DVD of the play, I would have bought it as it would be amazing to watch again.


Throughout the play, several lines were repeated many times.  Simple yet powerful lines and reminders.  


1)  Are we there?  Not yet.  Quite the statement for our lives.  Are we there?  Not yet.  But we'll get there.  During the play, I thought that the line would change at the end of the play - during Revelations.  Are we there?  YES!  But that was not the case.  And, in retrospect, that makes sense.  We aren't there yet.  But we will get there.


2)  Trust me.  God spoke those words many times during the play.  Reminding us that we can trust Him.  Unfortunately there were also times during the play that the words were uttered by those we cannot trust.  Reminding us that we need to be discerning and listen carefully to the voices so that we know who is speaking to us.


3) I cannot help but love you.  How powerful to see the actor portraying God speaking these words to people from the Biblical story.  And then to realize that He speaks the words to me as well.  Wow.


4) Abba will provide.  God, our Father, will always provide.  Seeing that again through the stories from the Old Testament was powerful.  


5) Go. The people in the Bible were repeatedly commissioned to do the work God had for them.  He sent them out.  He sends us out.  The words were also used when the people were banished (albeit temporarily).  At one point during the play, the disciples were being sent out, told to go, to teach and heal.  The words teach and heal were repeated several times.  That got me thinking that those words are a great summary of what our job as disciples is.  To teach and to heal.  Pretty simple.  And pretty difficult!


6) With me, nothing is impossible.  A reminder that God is all-powerful and that we must not let our doubts limit possibilities.  


There were a couple of other aspects of the play that touched me.  When God spoke to people, He physically breathed His spirit into them.  Powerful to see.  When the prophets spoke, the actor portraying the prophet and the actor portraying God both spoke in synchronization, symbolizing how God speaks through the prophets.  Again, powerful to see this done visually.  


Throughout the play a stone was used as a symbol of the covenant God has made with His people.  It was passed from person to person.  It was amazing to see that kind of physical representation of God's covenant.  Made it all the more real and powerful, that's for sure.  At the end, the actors all stood at the front of the stage, reaching out towards the people, each with a smaller stone in their hands.  The covenant goes on with us.  What a gift!


If I had the opportunity to see this play again, I would go in a heartbeat!


And now it's time to update the list of 1000 gifts.  


854) the way my new coat feels, wrapping me gently nd richly
855) spontaneous dinner out and trip to the fabric store
856) curling up under a fleece blanket
857 - 860) - Saturday mornings, chai tea, reading the paper, listening to Stuart McLean and the Vinyl Cafe
861) opportunity to chat and encourage a friend after church
862) laughing with my students
863) opportunity to connect with individual students
864) a bright full moon rising
865) bright planets in the night sky
866) the constellation Orion (well, knowing a specific constellation and recognizing it in the night sky)
867) visiting a dear colleague
868) chatting with two of my siblings in one night
869) marvelling with my brother over the possibilities for vision - miracles in the making
870) observing students as they organize themselves and discuss a novel together
871) soup lunch at school - yum!
872) freshly cut hair
873) sewing time with friends
874) hearing that a book I gave a friend is blessing her
875) church dinner and fellowship around the table
876) gentle chiming wind chimes
877) lunch and a play with a friend
878) creative gifts of playwrights and actors
879) a play which tells the story of God and His love for His people (see post above)
880 - 885) repeated lines in the play - Trust me.  I cannot help but love you.  Abba, forgive me.  With me, nothing is impossible.  Abba will provide.  Are we there?  Not yet.
886) the symbolism of a stone and God's faithful promise throughout generations

Light and Dark

I've been thinking about light and dark a lot lately. Partly because that's the science unit we just finished. Partly because it was just Christmas and light is a huge part of that time. Partly because it's winter, and the light is starting to come back. One of my colleagues made a thought-provoking statement on Monday (although she is prone to those and does so on a regular basis). She commented that darkness is most often looked at negatively and she thinks that there is a lot of good in the shadows. It's not all bad in the shadows. I think she's right. After all we wouldn't see the stars if not for the dark. We wouldn't see the moon and its changes if not for the dark. Darkness makes the light seem brighter. And that's a good thing.

Some of the good things I see - in the light of day and in the dark of night when I slow down and try to be still.....more gifts...

802) the insights of children
803) the gift of the written word
804) phrases that evoke emotion
805) dinners out with special people (J.S. and K.M.)
806) hugs and cuddles with dear girls
807) dinner with family (after being forgiven for forgetting to come for tea after work - oops!)
808) sunlight sparkling on the snow, looking like a carpet of diamonds
809) successful lessons - students working and learning
810) a bus so we didn't have to walk to the arena in frigid weather
811) fog on a winter morning, resulting in lacy dusts of frost on trees and plants
812) weather " warming up" enough that running errands isn't such a chore
813) being able to help a friend forget her anger and frustration for a few hours
814) energy to do a few things
815) talking on the phone with my mom and one of my sisters
816) encouragement from colleagues
817) nights of good, deep sleep
818) the sense of community I feel when I run into people I know when running errands
819) the feeling of satisfaction after tidying things up
820) a parent who offered to teach the skating lesson when I was nervous about being on the ice in my boots
821) coming home after a brisk winter walk and curling up in my favourite chair with a magazine and a cup of chai tea
822) sunny blue Alberta skies
823) yummy new recipe - and it's incredibly easy
824) my rotary cutter and cutting mat
825) having fabric scraps to use to make an iPad case
826) delighting in a new book to read -STATE OF WONDER
827) a new sweater for a ridiculously low price
828) hugs and laughter with children after church
829) celebrating communion
830) conversations at church
831) hugs from young and "less young" after church
832) the way prayer can settle my heart and calm my nerves
833) completing a very challenging quilt challenge (yes, I know I used the word challenge twice - deliberately so
834) dinner with colleagues - spontaneous plans (thanks C.V., K.G., and S.B.)
835) completing some marking and recording
836) students demonstrating confidence with a skill they didn't think they'd learn
837) the surprise of enjoying a book I didn't think I would like (Yes, I judged a book by its cover.)
838) finishing making an iPad cover - and loving it!
839) online tutorials
840) the joy of creating and the interplay of colour
841) coming home to a clean house
842) cards and e-mails from friends
843) my microwave rice cooker that cooks yummy brown rice in 18 minutes
844) gift cards
845) finding a new winter coat for an AMAZING deal - and it's even sort of dressy
846) browsing through my quilting magazines
847) completing some household chores that had been waiting for me
848) a weekend with time to be still
849) tea with friends and catching up on life
850) clean laundry
851) cozy blankets comforting me when I'm awake and can't sleep
852) a spontaneous hug from a student I wouldn't have expected one from
853) positive meetings with parents